I'll borrow this post's title from my favorite philosopher, Tom Petty.
I'm deep in year six of figuring out my path to Spain and paying off school debt. My perspective has changed a lot in that time, but the conviction hasn't. I can't explain the gut-twisting rush that I get when I'm faced with Spain. I've mentioned feeling like my heart's being pulled out. Some might describe it as a similar sensation to falling in love. But with that love comes anxiety about the future. How long of a stint should I do? What should it look like? Should I stay in the United States a bit longer to tie up some loose ends? I don't know. I have some time to figure that out.
Task lists and pros/cons charts pile up. Various dreams die hard. Sometimes they don't need to, and their mortification occurs because I've jumped too far ahead in my mind. I'm impatient and yet still nervous.
This past week, I had just nearly gotten over a cold when I got sidelined by the flu. I've been (mostly) resting at home for five days. By day two I wanted to return to work, even though I couldn't sit up. By day three, I was furious. Why couldn't I breathe?! I had so much I wanted to accomplish! Simply waiting for the virus to run its course has showed me how willful I am. Not in a good way.
So I keep being pulled back to today. I'm not good at this. Even when multiple people in a week tell me that I'm in the exact right place for this time.
But I'm learning slowly. This time is just as important. And in that realization there is joy.
I'm deep in year six of figuring out my path to Spain and paying off school debt. My perspective has changed a lot in that time, but the conviction hasn't. I can't explain the gut-twisting rush that I get when I'm faced with Spain. I've mentioned feeling like my heart's being pulled out. Some might describe it as a similar sensation to falling in love. But with that love comes anxiety about the future. How long of a stint should I do? What should it look like? Should I stay in the United States a bit longer to tie up some loose ends? I don't know. I have some time to figure that out.
Task lists and pros/cons charts pile up. Various dreams die hard. Sometimes they don't need to, and their mortification occurs because I've jumped too far ahead in my mind. I'm impatient and yet still nervous.
This past week, I had just nearly gotten over a cold when I got sidelined by the flu. I've been (mostly) resting at home for five days. By day two I wanted to return to work, even though I couldn't sit up. By day three, I was furious. Why couldn't I breathe?! I had so much I wanted to accomplish! Simply waiting for the virus to run its course has showed me how willful I am. Not in a good way.
So I keep being pulled back to today. I'm not good at this. Even when multiple people in a week tell me that I'm in the exact right place for this time.
But I'm learning slowly. This time is just as important. And in that realization there is joy.
